Happy Valentines Day! It’s the one day a year dedicated to honouring love, all kinds of love. Most view it as a day to celebrate a relationship, assuming you are in one. Single Goddesses, such as myself, can spend it honouring, the One who deserves your love the most, You.
Healthy relationships can only be attained when both parties love themselves completely and have worked thru, and no longer hold emotional baggage from the past. I don’t know too many people who didn’t grow up with some form of emotional and/or physical abuse. Parents withholding love, name calling, being critical, comparing, ridiculing, feelings being ignored, and physical punishment by hand or belt can all take it’s toll if not healed. I believe parents, past and present, do the best they can, with what they have to work with. Truth is however, when these less than loving behaviours occur, they are remembered and felt, thru the eyes and heart of a child. If we don’t take the time and effort to heal this little child within us, the beliefs and fears from those events, will and do, haunt our relationships as adults.
We will have patterns of response, triggered by feelings and scenarios, that unless are acknowledged and explored, will repeat in every adult relationship we have. Mostly intimate relationships, since these tend to be the juicier ones where our buttons get pushed. They are there to help us heal and grow. Many however are content to live on the hamster wheel. They experience the same issues with different partners, and fail to see they are the common denominator. Each of us, owes it to ourself, and those we will be in relationship with, to heal the trauma of our childhood. When the love you’ve known has been physically harmful, emotionally painful, and psychology scarring, how do you love another person?
Learn to love yourself. Needing vs. choosing a relationship with another are two different things. When one is whole, you do not need another, yet may choose another. Choose yourself first. Know you are enough. Buy yourself fresh flowers if you like them. Take yourself on a hike, or to a movie. Spend time alone, and learn to truly enjoy your own company. Know who you are. What you like and what you don’t like. Know your values. Know what you can live with, and what you choose not to live without. You are not perfect, what ever that is! Give yourself a break. You are doing the best you can. We all are. Meditate. Journal. Get your thoughts out on paper. It helps tremendously without anyone having to see it. You won’t hurt anyones feeling, yet will release stored energy from your being. Take care of your health, both physically and mentally. If you don’t do things every day to honour yourself, to show importance to yourself, how do you expect others to? Only You can heal your past, those wounded fragments of self. Do the work. It may be challenging, even difficult at times, however if a healthy, authentic, relationship is what you desire, it will be worth it.
If you are in a relationship, don’t fall into the trap of excusing Valentines Day because you say it is too commercial. Christmas has gotten commercial also, but I don’t see too many people not popping the turkey in the oven or cracking open the egg nog. Just as a birthday is one special day set aside to honour, respect and celebrate a person, Valentines Day is traditionally about celebrating the one you love, are partnered with and choose to share your journey with. This person cooks, cleans, does laundry, removes snow from your truck on a winter morning, shovels the driveway, cuts the grass, holds you when you cry, listens to your favourite joke for the 100th time and laughs. You can spend hours, days with this person, and be 100% yourself. He/She makes you smile, rubs your back, lets you sleep in, tells you they love you and you know they mean it, supports your need for time alone, desires your body and craves your touch. She/He ignores your foul moods and chooses to focus on the positive, they make your world a better place to live in. They are a gift. Valentines Day is the day set aside to show appreciation for this person. To show how much you value the person and your connection. Now if this is the only day you are appreciative, chances are there won’t be much to appreciate. Like plants, relationships require attention or they die.
Celebration need not be commercial. Sure, buy the diamonds and fancy dinners if that’s your thing however the real gifts are the ones where thought went into it and time together is spent. Its your chance to get corny, goofy and playful. List 20 things you adore about your partner and put in a home made card, or on stickies and post over your house for him/her to find. Make dinner at home together followed by a few hours of play between the sheets. Write on the bathroom mirror in red lipstick a big heart, with I love you. Make a snow man with a sign that says, “Will you be mine?” Send an endearing , or racy text every hour letting them know what they mean to you and you can’t wait to have time with him/her after work. There is an endless number of ways to show how much you value the person who has agreed to share life with you. All commercial free.
Whether single or married, use this day of love as an inspiration to find joy and beauty in everyone, including yourself.
“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
Sending you Love and Light,
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